Tony with a special kind of empathy
By May Hope
"My name is May Hope and this is just a part of Tony's story By the age of fifteen-half he had spent a vast amount of those years in the care of the local authority. His childhood and adolescent years in the system with various aunts, uncles and social workers talk about being pushed from pillar to post he was placed in various homes across the county, in actual fact there were : Two foster families Six children's homes Two community homes Two hostels So there were eleven moves before the age of sixteen two of those moves were with an old sibling and let's not forget the countless custodial sentences. ------------------------------------- Tony's story is no different from the thousands of children who were placed in the care system back in the 70's & 80's. However there is a story to be told about the person sitting opposite me. "From a child to adult hood and being raised by the system" ---------------------
------------------- Statistically speaking Tony should either be messed up on drugs, committed, serving a lengthy custodial sentence or a long-term career criminal which ever it wouldn't have been good for him. Well Tony has over come all those odds and is here today "thank god". So there were eleven moves before the age of sixteen two of those moves were with an old sibling and let's not forget the countless custodial sentences. ----------------------------------------------
Tony left the care of the local authority at just 16 with no idea on how to live independently and things quickly began to spiral out of control. He first appeared in court at just eight His first sentence was at the age of fifteen and he's last was at the age of twenty-two. There were a couple of Borstal sentences. Borstal recalls young offenders institutionse YP young prisoner all these offences were never violent or aggravated until his last sentence. Which was four an half years for robbery and at this point I will add nobody was physically harmed in the attempted robbery nevertheless a dreadful ordeal for the member of staff. Tony says this was done under the influence of drugs which were not self administrative. And that a another story taken from another life just over thirty years ago.
It never really worked for Tony at home due to his mother's poor health and he's stepfathers brutality. He was the first of his four siblings to be placed in the care of the local authority. They tried on several occasions to reunite him with his family but each time it broke down due to his behaviour and bed wetting. On one occasion when his mother was in hospital and he was severely beaten by his stepfather with a aerial lead. He went to school that day and the social services were called and Tony was taken to hospital to have the injuries he had sustained properly dressed. He tells me he can remember to this day saying "I don't want to go back to that house" and for some time he didn't see his family. He was placed in emergency care with a foster family and an injunction was made against his stepfather." ------------------------------------------------------ "What were the contributing factors to your poor behaviour Tony?" "It was down to personal problems I had to deal with in the various homes and at school. Trying to hide one of my problems just made things much worse, some members of staff were sympathetic towards me and others were not so." "What was it like and how did you cope?" He replied "think of what it must be like in hell... very badly" ------------------------------------------------------------ A product of the system "So Tony, do you think you were really a product of the system?" "Yes and I know I was and I'm not ashamed to say so." "Yes I come from a broken home and I lived in a dysfunctional family environment where my stepfather was violent towards me and my mother." ---------------------------------------------------- He's adolescent years "were spent surrounded by dysfunctional young people just like himself. he's start in life like other children was out of their control. they didn't choose to put themselves in that situation it was just how it was." --------------------------------------------------------- It took Tony just over 17 years to actually sort himself out and come to some sort of resolution as to where and how he wanted to spend his life. "Well you seem to have turned out okay, a great career doing what you love, a wonderful family, so they must have done something right?" He answered humbly "Thank you very much, but unfortunately that wasn’t down to the system." "I was a product of the system but what you see today is because I came to a point in my life and made a decision to change."
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He was told from an early age I would never amount
to anything and that I would spend my adult life in and out of jail. That's what the system had prepared me for."
He's first court appearance was at the age of eleven and then I continued offending into my mid-20s which resulted in me being sent to a detention centre, borstal, a borstal recall and then prison." I really had no moral compass. "it was all about survival."
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He knew he had dyslexia
and there was nothing he could do about it. He was too embarrassed to ask for help, so obviously he says "I never filled out any job application forms."
"Do you think the system let you down?"
"Yes I do"
"Why?"
"Because at 16 I was totally unprepared to leave the care of the local authority."
Before his career started in the care industry
Tony had a very diverse career. All his jobs share the same ethos, all but one are helping, caring, teaching and looking after people working in and as:
The fast food Industry
Nightclub Manager
Selling Coffee
Teaching Martial Arts
Personal Trainer
Events Co-ordinator
Nightclub Security
Security Guard
Personal Bodyguard
Running a Security Company
Managing a Security Company
A real life crime fighter
Street Intervention - "there was a time when I would intervene when I deemed necessary. When I saw mindless violence, criminal damage or antisocial behaviour." I would say to them "Is there really any need for you to be doing that? I mean really come on?"
And they would reply "Yes because I am really hacked off!"
"I would then say, If I was a police officer you would have been arrested by now and invariably they would say "yeah okay I understand"
"Give me an example of one of your street interventions Tony"
"Stopping a group of lads who were verbally abusing two women."
"Weren't you're afraid you might get attacked yourself?"
"I always think about my safety
but in the same respect the ladies were being verbally attacked. Once I got their attention, I said to the group of lads, how would you feel if your sister or your mother came home and told you they had just been verbally attacked by a group of young men? at that point they all understood and a couple even went up and apologised."
So I said to Tony "You are a real life crime fighter...?"
as he sits back and chuckles to himself,
I really couldn't help feeling way to go Tony!
"No" he said "I'm just a regular guy that thinks some things are simply unacceptable and some people need to be challenged about their behaviour and made aware of the possible outcome."
"I also think if I intervene in situations like that, somebody somewhere might do the same for someone else or even for the people I hold dear to me."
"Earlier on Tony you said you used to do street intervention what do you mean by that?"
"Well a few years ago something happened
It involved a young off duty special constable who was behaving very badly. It hasn't prevented me from engaging in intervention, it's just made me be a lot more cautious of which situations I get involved in."
Memories of home
"Lots and lots of bad ones, I'm pretty sure there would have been some good ones, but I just cannot remember them. Oh yeah there was good memory and that was when my stepdad used to go to work. I was always stupid in his eyes, it was as if I was the runt of the family"
What if
"Tony had managed to open the window whilst trying to escape when he heard his stepdad coming back upstairs cursing? He would have surely fallen and heaven knows what injuries he may have sustained from that fall." He tells me "I was terrified beyond belief I was unable to open the window and so I received a ferocious beating. That window has never opened"
Children's home memories
"I had some great times, I had a lot of fun, there were some great carers and some bad ones but I was very naughty as a child. I loved dancing, one home even had a room we used to call the disco. It had a record player, tape deck and flashing lights. I used to like going on holiday once a year. We used to go to butlins or pontins and yes I even got in trouble there, tampering with the 10p machines trying to get the money out with a coathanger!"
He says there
"was only ever one role model in my life and that was one of the boys from one of my children’s homes. One of the good ones called Gus Morgan and that is who I modelled myself on. I'd say I'm pretty sure that’s where I got my love of dance and where I learnt the advantages of knowing martial arts."
Self-esteem and confidence
"Tony what was it like as a child?" "Come on really self-esteem confidence? Why would I have had any of those with my issues? Being called stupid because I couldn't read and write properly. Suffering at the hands of my stepfather and ridiculed by my peers come on I had none for a long time."
Education
"Well that was just a nightmare for me I really had no educational stability. By the time I was diagnosed with dyslexia it was too late for me."
Leaving care
"Getting a place by myself,well that was a disaster for me because I wasn't anywhere near prepared and lacked the necessary skills required for independent living. Things quickly spiralled out of control"
The loss of good friends
"To drugs, gangs and violence. But by far my biggest loss was when my younger brother took his own life due to a mental health illness which rocked the very core of my foundation."
Free time
"at the age of 45+ how do you spend your time?" "I spend it with my family and enjoying my hobbies which are fitness training, I enjoy playing backgammon, pottering around in the garden , playing the piano and guitar. I also have a passion for fly fishing.
